This is what motivates me the most

Here's the tragedy of my life: I was 27 years old, 8 months pregnant with my first child, when my mom became jauntice. I had to stay away, because it could be contagious. That was hard.

Then, like a nightmare, every day or 2 tests came back bad. They thought it could be hepatitus or a tumor. It was a tumor. It could be benign or malignant. It was malignant: cancer of the pancreas. It's a bad form of cancer, that isn't usually detected until it's too late to treat. From the diagnosis to her death, it was 6 weeks. I cried the whole time. There was all sorts of drama. Family coming to visit. Squabbles & grudges.

The baby came 2 weeks early. I brought him to see my mom. And she died when he was 8 days old. She got to see him. And he wasn't effected by being in a hospital at a few days old. It was very hard to become a mother & lose my mother in such a short time. I had post-partum depression, but didn't take meds, because I was breast feeding.

It's been 21 years & I still miss my mother. We were very close. And I'm so sorry that she missed out on her grandchildren. Sometimes I see a show I know mom would have liked. Or I see mother & daughter shopping or dining, and I miss her. Or someone with hazel eyes like mom.

Mom had many of the risk factors for cancer of the pancreas: smoking, obesity, and diabetes. And she could controlled them. Her premature death motivates me to make healthy life choices, more than anything else can.